Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.
EPICTETUS
There’s no denying that the world feels chaotic right now. From the war in the Middle East to numerous aviation accidents, domestic violence incidents, and so many other issues with tragic consequences. It’s a lot to process. We are faced with a constant barrage of information amidst huge global uncertainty and an incredibly fast-paced life.
It’s no wonder many of us are feeling overwhelmed, distracted, or even on edge without fully comprehending why.
EQ: Your Daily Anchor
This is when we need our Emotional Intelligence more than ever. In times like these, EQ becomes more than just a concept; it becomes our daily anchor.
One of the biggest drivers of stress is focusing our energy on things we cannot influence. When we obsess over things outside of our control, we end up feeling drained, anxious, and powerless. I’ll be the first to admit that I spend a huge amount of time stressing about things I have no control over, but that stress has zero effect on the outcome. Its only real impact is a detrimental effect on my mental, and often physical, health.
The Circles of Control
To find our footing, we need to distinguish between what is in our control and what isn’t. Imagine drawing two circles:
- The Outer Circle: Everything you are worried about but cannot change.
- The Inner Circle: What you can actually control or influence.
By shifting our focus to the inner circle, we reclaim our power and our peace of mind. Let’s look at how this applies to two of the biggest areas of our lives:
AS A LEADER
Outside of your control:
- Market and economic conditions
- Competitor activities
- Client decisions
Within your control:
- Clarity: The direction and information you provide your team.
- Emotional Tone: Choosing to be responsive rather than reactive in meetings.
- Prioritization: Deciding what truly matters right now.
The EQ Shift:
Reframe: Change “This client is impossible” to “How can I respond constructively to maintain this relationship?”
Action: Pause and think: “What do I want to achieve from this conversation?”
AS A PARENT
Outside of your control:
- Your child’s emotional state
- Peer influences
- School dynamics
Within your control:
- Your Response: How you handle their behavior.
- Consistency: Maintaining clear boundaries.
- Modeling: Showing them what healthy emotional regulation looks like.
The EQ Shift:
Reframe: Change “Why are you always so difficult?” to “I wonder what they are feeling right now.”
Action: Take a breath and choose to respond calmly rather than reacting in the heat of the moment.
Reference: Stephen Covey has done extensive work on the Circle of Concern vs Circle of Influence if you would like to explore this further.
Choosing where your energy goes
Ultimately, we cannot stop the world from being chaotic, but we can choose where we invest our precious energy. As we move through the rest of the year, I challenge you to catch yourself when you’re drifting into that outer circle.
Take a breath, look at your inner circle, and ask: “What can I do TODAY?”
When you focus on your own choices, attitudes, and actions, the world starts to feel a little less heavy and a lot more manageable.