You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
CG JUNG
Thinking about blind spots reminded me of my early days in EQ Certification training. When taking my multi-rater 360 assessment, I scored myself very high on “Recognizing Patterns.” I was shocked when my raters scored me much lower.
At first, I was confused because I knew how aware I was of my internal patterns! But then I realised that although I was recognizing my patterns, I wasn’t actually changing them. To those around me, repeating a reactive behaviour looks identical to not being aware of it at all.
What happens to your EQ under pressure?
Most of us know how we should respond:
- Listen before reacting
- Stay patient and calm
- Think before speaking
- Keep perspective
When we are rested, things are running smoothly, and team dynamics are easy, demonstrating emotional intelligence is relatively simple.
The real test comes when pressure increases. When we’re overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, or rushing against a deadline, our fuse shortens and we default to our automatic pressure patterns:
- Becoming controlling or dictatorial
- Getting blunt, reactive, or accusatory
- Withdrawing or becoming defensive
- Interrupting, raising our voices, or taking over
If any of these sound familiar, it doesn’t mean you lack emotional intelligence. It simply means pressure is influencing your choices and hijacking your intentions.
Functional vs skilled EQ
In the Six Seconds (SEI) assessment, a score categorized as Functional means your EQ works well in everyday life, but becomes challenging to access under stress.
The shift to Skilled EQ happens when you can pause long enough in the heat of the moment to notice and name what is happening: “I am taking over this meeting because I feel pressured and anxious.”
This is the Six Seconds model in everyday action:
- Know Yourself: Recognize what is happening inside you in real time.
- Choose Yourself: Pause to create space so you can respond intentionally rather than react blindly.
- Give Yourself: Put that conscious choice into action in a way that serves both you and the people around you.
Intercepting the emotional hijack
Under acute stress, your brain can experience an Emotional Hijack; where your thalamus defaults to your emotional brain, bypassing the rational cortex, and takes complete control of your behaviour.
The next time you feel emotionally triggered and notice a default behaviour creeping in, pause and ask yourself these 3 questions:
- What am I feeling? (Name the emotion rather than immediately acting on it. “Name it to Tame it.”)
- What is this feeling making me want to do? (Attack, withdraw, take over, lash out?)
- What response would serve me best right now?
This simple sequence, which is part of the VET (Validate, Explore, Transform) technique, gives you back control before default reactions define how you show up as a leader, partner, or parent.
Related articles:
Handling Stress with EQ
Navigating Stress in the Office
The Myth of Winning
Handling Crucial Conversations
Reflection
When we experience high-demanding situations, our emotional intelligence will naturally be tested. There is no better time to put our EQ into action.
This week, notice your subtle stress signals: When pressure mounts, what is your default pattern? What step can you take to choose a different response?