Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.
[WEIL]
Alexandra Tanon-Olsson, in an article published on the Six Seconds blog, posed a simple yet profound question: “Have you ever felt unheard?” This struck a chord with me because not being listened to is one of my personal triggers, and one that that can lead to emotional hijack. Let’s explore this further.
My listening trigger
One of my biggest triggers is when the person I’m talking to isn’t really listening. Yet, I must admit, I’m often guilty of the same. Whether it’s being distracted by my phone or my mind wandering elsewhere, true presence can be elusive in our fast-paced world. However, being present is crucial.
A study by the Harvard Business Review found that teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders, who prioritize presence and empathy in their communication, achieve 20% higher engagement.
Wired for connection
Our brains are naturally wired for connection, thanks to mirror neurons that help us not just observe emotions but feel them. This is why laughter is contagious and why we tear up during emotional movies. Although we are born with empathy, over time, our brains tend to prioritize logic, tasks, and efficiency over emotional awareness.
As Tanon-Olsson points out, we often focus on being right and in control rather than simply listening and being present. This shift emphasizes performance over empathy, leading to isolation. We are “built for connection, yet conditioned to disconnect.”
Rebuilding empathy: from performance to understanding
To move from mere performance to genuine understanding in our conversations, we need to practice active listening and empathetic respect. Here are some ways to achieve this:
Be Fully Present: Give the person your undivided attention.
Pause, Reflect, and Seek to Understand: Be curious about what the other person is saying and feeling. Look beyond their words.
Listen Without Judgment: Ask questions to understand their perspective rather than jumping to conclusions. Let go of the need to be right and engage as equals.
Do Not ‘Listen to Reply’: Once you start formulating your response, you stop listening. Stay focused on the speaker.
Appreciate and Learn: Find something to appreciate and use the opportunity to learn about the person and their perspective. Respect their courage to share.
Benefits of active listening
By practicing these tips, you will:
- Enhance your emotional connection
- Build trust
- Reduce misunderstandings
- Increase emotional awareness of yourself and others
- Deepen relationships
Remember, one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your full presence.
I often remind my clients who are working parents, feeling guilty about time spent with their children: the quality of interaction matters more than quantity. You can spend hours with someone and never truly connect—focus on quality!
Listen with both your ears and heart. When people feel genuinely valued, respected,and heard, they become more open, engaged, and motivated.
My challenge to you is to practice real connection by putting these tips into action.