Blame is the water in which many dreams and relationships drown.
[STEVE MARABOLI]
Have you ever thought about why, when something bad happens, we feel the need to assign fault, ie. blame someone or something for it?
The answer is that it gives us a sense of control.
People who blame a lot often lack the tenacity or grit to hold themselves or others accountable. Brené Brown refers to blaming as a way of “discharging anger”.
Blame (Verb) – to say or think that someone or something did something wrong or is responsible for something bad happening, whilst the (Noun) is an expression of disapproval or reproach.
A person with low emotional intelligence will easily blame what they call their ‘misfortune’ on others, as easily as not trying to understand their emotions.
Blame has an inverse relationship with accountability.
In many companies today there is a ‘blame culture’. Where groups or teams are frequently criticized or blamed, the result is a culture where people become reluctant to own their mistakes. It also means that people won’t be willing to take risks or speak out.
Blame cultures are common in many countries and companies. Instead of taking ownership and accountability we prefer to assign blame. Blame cultures result in higher levels of staff turnover, lower employee engagement and productivity, decision escalation by continually referring to managers for decisions, lower levels of innovation and creativity and reduced levels of responsibility taking.
If we look at political situations, how many politicians play the blame game instead of standing up and been accountable for their actions or lack thereof? In many ways, it is easier to play the blame game as it excuses the lack of results or actions that we should be taking.
Reminder: the inverse relationship of blame is accountability.
How can we change or avoid a blame culture?
1. Replace blame with a learning mindset.
Openly share mistakes and change to a WHAT-went-wrong rather than a WHO-made-the-mistake mindset.
I have encouraged many of my clients to have regular meetings looking at ‘sharing mistakes’, not to assign blame but as an opportunity for learning. When people realise that a shared mistake can prevent similar mistakes happening again in the future, and that instead of embarrassing or discrediting the person, we invest in learning from it, mistakes are more readily shared rather than covered up and are less likely to be repeated.
2. Encourage accountability.
Create an environment where team members own up to their actions as opposed to assigning blame.
3. Focus on what you can change
Use a systems approach to problem solving and encourage your team to find solutions and focus on the future rather than the past.
I have found in some of the sessions I facilitate that some people prefer to focus on what is wrong in their organisations and on the things that they have no power to change, rather than the things that are within their control to change.
In many ways, this gives them a reason for not having to be accountable for their actions and supports a culture of ‘learned helplessness’, ie. “We can’t do it because …”.
I always emphasize that we cannot change another person – we can only change ourselves. And in changing ourselves we may be pleasantly surprised by the results.
This brings us back to accountability.
People who try and sidetrack back to others in an organization are avoiding accountability for their own actions.
Blaming is corrosive in relationships.
Challenge …
Instead of blaming, do some self-reflection and remind yourself that you are responsible for your own actions.
How you choose to react or respond to someone is entirely your choice.
We can’t blame people for our behavior when we become angered or frustrated by their actions. It is a choice that we make, consciously or not, when we choose to behave in a certain way.
The next time you find yourself blaming others, stop and practice some self-reflection and consider what you are feeling. Ask yourself …
- Why am I reacting in this way?
- What is the alternative to blaming others?
You can also use the KCG model below (link it), which is a great tool for self-coaching:
In conclusion …
Robert Anthony says …
“… when you blame others, you give up your power to change”.
While Mahatma Ghandi encouraged us to …
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world!”
It is your choice to make – to either be the change, or give up your power to change!